Close to 50 pounds down...and wanting more

I'm down almost 50 lbs.  The weight loss has been very consistent and it's been generally pretty easy to follow this program.  But there are those times...

The program is 5 Medifast "meals" and 1 "lean & green" meal (1 serving of healthy protein, 3 servings of low-carb veggies).  So I eat 4 MF meals throughout the work day, come home have the lean & green, then have my last MF meal in the evening.  Most of the time I have my L&G and I feel satisfied.  It's a reasonable amount of food.  But.  There are those times when it's not enough and I want to keep eating.  I think about my last measly MF meal (consisting of 100 calories as they all do) and feel a tinge of panic.  This is all I get to eat for the rest of the day?  What if I get really really hungry?  I want more! 

I have come to the conclusion that I'll probably always want more.  Just in general - when it comes to food I am never satisfied.  If I'm eating, I want more of whatever it is, and three other things besides.  If I'm not eating, I definitely want to be eating.  I just always want more food.  Even when I'm not hungry, if I let myself entertain the thought of food I really really want to be eating food.  Is this a sickness?  Why am I like that? 

Something to ponder. 

When it comes to weight loss, I also want more... I want to be thin immediately.  I can't just be happy that I lost a buttload of weight - 50 lbs is nothing to sneeze at!  I want to shop in the "normal" sizes and wear a 10 or 12, preferably right now.  I mean how fantastic would that be?  But will I feel "done" or will I still be dissatisfied? 

Weight is just...weight.  It doesn't dictate the quality of my life - I mean ok it does, but not to the degree that I think it does.  Weight doesn't determine if I'm happy in my job or even what job I have.  It doesn't determine whether I'm dating.  It doesn't determine whether I use my gym membership or let it gather dust.  I give it a lot of power, though.  Weight dictates my level of confidence - the lower the weight, the higher my feeling of self-worth.  Is this something I can change?  And if I lose weight and keep it off, does it even matter?

What 22 pounds will do

So you would think at my weight, a 22 lb loss would be a drop in the bucket.  But surprisingly, it makes a big difference.  My two pairs of size "8" Lane Bryant jeans (I know, right - I think it's the equivalent of size 26 or 28) are now pretty loose.  So I decided to see what was in my bottom drawer. 

I pulled out 2 pair of jeans that I wore last year before gaining 30-odd pounds.  One from Torrid and one from the Gap.  Both are size 20.  Pretty optimistic, right?  Well, the Gap jeans fit...barely!  I had to pack myself in there like blood sausage but they zipped!  So I wore them - with a long sweater so they didn't look as noticeably tight.  (Never mind that I had to unbutton them while I was in my car.)  I ran errands in size 20 jeans today! 

Weight today: 279.6

The accidental proselytizer

Usually when I am really excited about something new I find it difficult to prevent myself from attempting to convert the uninitiated to my fabulous discovery.  Maybe not the best habit, but there you have it.  When I realized that McDonald's Fruit & Yogurt Parfait was both insanely delicious and only a dollar, I brought it up whenever someone mentioned going to McDonald's (in a town with only 2 fast food joints, this happens more often than you might think).  When I discovered the skin care regimen devised by Dan Kern of Acne.org it was all I could do not to bring it up to friends who complained of acne.  Anyway.  You get the idea.

I have been on Medifast for just about a month and it is going swimmingly.  So you might think I would be blabbing about Medifast to anyone and everyone.  However, weight and diet are very personal, so no matter how enthused I am about Medifast, it is not something I enjoy discussing with coworkers and even friends.  Accordingly, I was not planning to mention it to anyone at work.  But my boss was on it last year with great results so I decided I would mention it to him.  Lo and behold, he blabbed to other people at work!  He is normally rather tight-lipped so I can only assume he didn't think I would mind him mentioning it.  I sort of did at first, but now I am ok with it. 

After a month of being on Medifast, people are noticing a difference.  Now two of my coworkers are going on it!  One of them told me today that after seeing how well I am doing, she decided to try it for herself.  So here I am, not mentioning how great something is, and people are wanting to try it.  I think it means I am making progress. 

I mean, I know that I am making progress, based on the scale and the fit of my clothes.  But I have had weight struggles for as long as I can remember, and as a result I no longer trust my own perception of my body.  When I went from 244 pounds to 184 about 6 years ago, I thought I still looked huge even at my lowest weight.  Conversely, when I gradually gained about 120 lbs over the next 5 years, I BS'd myself into thinking it wasn't that much and surely no one was noticing.   Probably something I need to address if I want to be successful at maintenance down the road...

Anyway, bad or good, there is nothing quite like other people noticing your hard work.

Weight today: 283.2

Organic Batter Blaster

I was at the grocery store today, dutifully bypassing all the delicious food and filling my cart with broccoli, veggie burgers, and low fat cheese, when I encountered a stumbling block.  Now mind you, I had successfully navigated the gourmet cheeses, the bakery, the cookies and crackers aisle, and even glimpsed the chip aisle, but I was not prepared for what awaited me in the organic dairy section.  I was reaching for a carton of Egg Beaters when suddenly I saw...this:

Organic Batter Blaster.  Multipurpose pancake/waffle batter in a can.  You read that right.  It's the Reddi-Wip of pancakes.  And it's organic.

Now, when I saw the Organic Batter Blaster perched one shelf above the Egg Beaters, two things crossed my mind.  First, I cursed my rekindled commitment to healthy living, which precluded purchasing items like Organic Batter Blaster.  Second, I wondered why no one had told me about this product before said commitment was rekindled.

I tossed two cartons of Egg Beaters into my cart and moved on, now feeling somewhat deprived and out of sorts.

When I got home, I Googled Organic Batter Blaster.  As evidenced by several enthusiastic reviews, Organic Batter Blaster has made some very lazy people very happy.  If I'm being honest, I hope to one day be one of those people.  But not today.

Weight today: 288 lbs.